


Operation: Rogue Agent. Codename: Snowhawk.

by AlyKat



Category: Marvel Avengers Movies Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Central Park is so pretty in the snow!, Clint is such a child, M/M, Seriously. He's a 12 year old trapped in a grown man's body
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-20
Updated: 2012-12-20
Packaged: 2017-11-19 21:31:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/577861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlyKat/pseuds/AlyKat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The snow had stopped falling as heavily hours before, but still they remained in the dimming sunlight, agents fallen all around them. The Avengers, plus their handler Agent Coulson, stood poised and ready, armed to the teeth and none seeming phased by the chill in the air. This had become personal. They were under attack, and by one of their own at that. It wasn’t going to be pretty, but they all knew that the man had to be stopped. No matter what the cost. </p><p>((Submission for the Feelstide story collection spectacular! Prompt: "Snowball fight in Central Park and everyone winds up ganging up on Clint, who never misses" ENJOY!))</p>
            </blockquote>





	Operation: Rogue Agent. Codename: Snowhawk.

The snow had stopped falling as heavily hours before, but still they remained in the dimming sunlight, agents fallen all around them. The Avengers, plus their handler Agent Coulson, stood poised and ready, armed to the teeth and none seeming phased by the chill in the air. This had become personal. They were under attack, and by one of their own at that. It wasn’t going to be pretty, but they all knew that the man had to be stopped. No matter what the cost. 

A crowd had gathered some time ago, watching with great interest as the Avengers and half of S.H.I.E.L.D swept into Central Park to battle the ten foot evil Frosty from Hell. And while it didn’t take them long to render him utterly destroyed (really, whoever thought they could beat the Avengers with a giant Abominable Snowman clearly hadn’t been thinking the laws of basic science. Snow + heat = puddles. Simple as that.) it was the after math that they hadn’t been prepared for. The sudden and surprise attack upon Captain American, a blow to the back of the head that had the mighty Super Soldier suddenly face down in the snow, that was the start of a much bigger battle. 

Now, hours later, only six remained standing. Six against one hardly seemed fair, and it wasn’t; the six still couldn’t compete against the one. The one rogue agent who managed to take out S.H.I.E.L.D agents like it was no one’s business. 

“This can’t continue,” Cap panted, his face red from the cold and effort it was taking to keep from being hit again. “Someone needs to stop him, before this gets any more out of hand.”

“Just let me fire one off! I won’t hurt him, I swear. Just one blast and—“

“For the last time, Stark. You are not blasting him.” Coulson’s voice was laced with stress and aggravation. Under no circumstances did he approve of Tony using his repulsors to shoot at their target. The man didn’t deserve that headache, even if he had for the moment gone rogue. 

“He took out Woo, Coulson. And Menendez! Hell, he even just took down Sitwell! Don’t you want to avenge your friend?!”

A corner of Coulson’s mouth twitched as he glanced over his shoulder to where Agent Jasper Sitwell still lie on the snow covered ground. 

“…Jasper was an idiot and deserved what he got.” He tried not to let his amusement show through at the looks he got for that uncaring remark. It was true though. Jasper had a tendency to let his mouth run off and truthfully, the man had nearly gotten hit by Phil himself a number of times. If anything, they were done a favor by having him taken out of the picture. 

Looking around at the group before him, Phil Coulson took a moment to mentally appraise the situation. They were all still dressed in their uniforms, Captain America looking to be the coldest of them all but bless his heart if he didn’t let it show…much (even given his aversion to snow and ice; which was of course natural given the 70 years he spent frozen). Iron Man didn’t seem to notice the chill, presumably because the suit was heated during the winter to ensure components didn’t freeze up on him. Natasha had been born and raised in Russia, so while her cheeks and the tip of her nose were a flattering and rather adorable shade of pink, she didn’t seem to mind the weather (though, she had finally relented and accepted to take a light coat from one of the agents. She was human after all and was susceptible to human illnesses…like the dreaded rhinovirus or influenza…both of which rendered her a complete mess and miserable and thus all the more deadly). Then there was Thor, who was a god, and honestly had a Frost Giant for a brother. If the man couldn’t handle a little bit of Midgardian winter then they were truly in trouble. A spark of enjoyment was in the Asgardian’s eyes though, which was enough for Coulson. Finally he turned his attention to Hulk, the beast standing near Stark, huffing and shifting, waiting for the word to smash. That wouldn’t be happening any sooner than Tony getting to blast him though.

The only one missing was…

“Coulson. We’re going to have to take him down. He’s not going to want to come in peacefully and you know this. You know how he gets. Better than any of us, you know—“

“You are not taking Barton down forcefully and that’s final, Agent Romanov. And don’t remind me that I know him best. After six years of marriage to him, I’m fairly aware that I know him best.” Coulson narrowed his eyes at the woman, his voice cold as the frozen air around them. 

Blue eyes looked back towards the Mount, a composting area where leaves and wood chips were taken during the fall and winter months to be broken down into compost, and where Barton was still hunkered down watching them. It wasn’t a very high perch, but it was higher than the rest of the grounds which gave the archer the advantage. Phil knew the man would be sitting atop what was left of the McGown Pass Tavern wall, collecting his ammo and preparing for his next strike. And yes, he too knew the man would have to be taken down. Luckily for them, the sun was quickly fading and the park was growing darker and while he knew the archer had incredible eyesight, that near super-power of his didn’t extend to night vision. 

Taking a breath, Phil turned his head slightly, blocking his face from Barton’s view as he spoke into a communicator. “Campbell, what is your status?”

There was silence over the line for a moment before a pop and static of the secure private line coming to life. “Still in the surveillance truck, sir.”

“Grab your coat and meet me on the other side of the East 110th Street playground. You’re about to get your first undercover assignment.”

~*~*~*~

The plan was actually quite simple, it was almost shameful how simple it was. Hulk and Iron Man would rush the Mount; Iron Man coming in from up top while Hulk came at Barton from below. Captain, Black Widow and Thor would flank him from the sides and hopefully provide Phil the distraction he needed to dart for the playground and switch out his own coat and gear with Campbell. It had become a joke around HQ that Coulson had secretly been hiding a twin brother from them when Campbell was transferred to New York from their Sacramento division. It was a joke that Phil found no humor in as he felt Campbell bore no resemblance to him whatsoever; not to mention the man was a bit obnoxious at times and had this horrible tendency to develop “man crushes” on basically every new male he met. Which, Phil, given the fact he was in fact gay, had no problems with. It was when Campbell tried hitting on Clint that Phil took things a bit personal and decided he did not care for the man in the least. Still, he had to play nice. 

He had to admit, it was helpful that they were the same height, weight, and build (well, mostly. Phil liked to believe he was leaner and had a bit more muscle mass than Campbell did), it made swapping places all the easier. Trading his bulkier coat for Campbell’s thinner, lighter weight one, passing along with it his hat and ear muffs (both of which had been a gift from Clint the Christmas before after they’d been trapped in a blizzard), he watched as the other man donned his clothes and gave a little turn for approval. Yeah, it would have to do. 

“You know what to do.” Phil said simply enough before he gave the nod to get moving. “Don’t get too close. Don’t want him to figure out you aren’t me.”

“Relax, Coulson! This’ll be fun! Go get ‘im, Tiger!” 

Coulson wanted to roll his eyes and sigh heavily at that, instead he kept his cool and collected demeanor and watched as Campbell turned and took off back out into the line of fire. He could hear Hulk roaring, the ground trembling ever so slightly as he hit the ground. Jesus how could Barton have taken out Hulk too? This had to stop, and stop now. 

Sticking to the shadows and keeping his comm. switched to silent, he listened in on the other’s conversations as he silently made his way closer to the back entrance to the compound. The Hulk had in fact been taken out. A straight shot right to the face. Barton, no doubt, was going to be sorry he did that later. Iron Man was somehow managing to avoid getting hit, though had to be reminded by Cap a few times he wasn’t to use his repulsors to blast the agent. He heard when Campbell arrived on sight, Widow calling out for ‘Coulson’ to get down right as a shot was fired off towards the man. He heard as it connected with Campbell’s stomach, causing the man to double over, fall and roll down the slight hill. Well fuck. That didn't take long.

There was, admittedly, an advantage to being married to Clint Barton. Well, there were many, but the one that served the most purpose at this point in time was the familiarity they’d come to have for each other. That familiarity was their weakness. They’d come to trust each other so much so that it was now easy for one to sneak up upon the other. It was a highly dangerous advantage, one that Coulson was now able to use in his favor and hopefully take the man down without injury. 

Creeping silently up the hill, he paused for a moment, just a moment, to admire the view. He always did love Clint’s tight uniform pants and from this angle slightly below him? It just made the view all the more enjoyable. Shaking those thoughts from his head, Coulson steeled himself against the urge to simply jump onto the archer’s back and tackle him down into the snow (plenty of time for things like that later, once they were home safe and sound). He gathered his own weapon into his hand and slowly rising to his feet, he moved into position. 

“…put the snowball down, Agent Barton. You’re not going to win.” 

Waiting for his husband’s startled face to whip around and face him, Coulson allowed the corners of his mouth to curve upwards before drawing his hand back. 

“NOW!” 

His arm retched forward, the snowball held in his own palm released into the air and sent right into Clint’s chest before the man had time to react. His was followed closely by dozens more as agents suddenly “back from the dead” sprang to their feet, collecting up balls of snow to hurl at the downed archer. It was beyond amusing to watch as Clint was tackled by both Coulson and Natasha, fists full of snow being shoved down the front and back of his shirt and pants; Steve smashing a snowball into Clint’s hair and rubbing it in until chunks stuck to the dampened dark blond locks. Clint’s reign of terror was finally over and there was nothing he could do about it. He would have to come in now, whether he wanted to or not. 

“FUCK! That…shit! That’s fucking cold!! Damnit! Not down the pants!! NOT DOWN THE PANTS!! PHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIL!!!”

A laugh escaped Coulson’s mouth as he shoved one last clump of snow down the front of his husband’s tight slacks (and yes, okay, it might have been a ploy to stealthily cop a feel. They’re married. He’s allowed) and held him down in the snow by the shoulders. Panting softly and with blue eyes bright with laughter, he grinned softly down at the man.

“You took down my agents, Barton. And the Hulk. I think you deserve a little snow down the pants. You’ve lost this time, Clint. It’s time to go home.”

Clint pouted, actually, full on, bottom lip protruding out, pouted. It was adorable, there was no denying it. The archer looked like such a child sometimes. Phil had to admit he loved it when the first snowball worthy snow fall of the year fell upon the city. It always brought out the child still trapped in each of his team, most especially Clint who was always the one to instigate the traditional Avengers vs. Handlers snowball fight, though…this was the first time it had ever been in public with crowds watching as handlers were taken down by one single man (and the first time Clint had ever fought them off singlehandedly). There would no doubt be footage of this on YouTube and the 10 o’clock news. It was worth it though. 

Standing up, he moved to carefully help Clint stand, dusting the snow off his suit and Phil removing his thin, borrowed jacket to wrap around his husband’s shoulders. They were going to have to keep an eye on him for the next few days to ensure he didn’t get sick from lying in the snow without a jacket for so long. There was definitely a hot shower, warm blankets, and cuddling up in front of their fireplace in their future once they got home. Pressing his lips to Clint’s cold cheek, he couldn’t fight the smile as he heard the man grumble about a cold nose and his jewels being frozen now. 

They turned, ready to head off for the waiting cars that would taken them back to HQ to debrief about the snowman monster when a figure caught their attention. A man dressed all in black and looking none too amused. The proverbial father out to scold his trouble children. 

“Just what the hell do you think is going on here? You were sent out to fight a fucking snow monster. Not turn Central Park into your personal snowball battlefield, Barton. Damnit, Coulson, I expected better from you. Highly trained and dangerous agents lying out on the ground like fucking ten year olds. You had better have a damn good explanation…”

Clint and Phil barely shared even a glance between them before Natasha was slipping them each a tightly packed snowball. A full out smirk crept onto Coulson’s face as he and his husband pulled apart and each released the projectiles into the darkened sky, knowing they’d find their target true. Oh hell, what was a few more minutes playing in the snow? Especially when it meant a volley of snowballs being hurled at Director Fury without fear of being reprimanded and put on report.

**Author's Note:**

> Oh man this was fun! I hope you guys enjoyed this as much as I did writing it! And yes, in case you noticed, 'Campbell' is basically supposed to be Richard Campbell from 'The New Adventures of Old Christine'. It's also a bit of a nod to fangirlSevera's little "Black Sheep and Other Family Animals" world where Phil and Richard are in fact identical twins (...and their father is Agent Kay which just amuses me to no end xD ). 
> 
> Anyways, I hope everyone has a fantastic Christmas/Holiday season! Me? I'm off to spend a couple weeks in Arizona on the 25th and enjoy what's left of Christmas day and new years with my bestie! Yaaaaaaay!!! So happy Feelstide everyone!!


End file.
